There are many different issues, problems, disorders, health issues, or personal situations that arise as we grow up. I personally have a few health issues myself, but for the last few months my daughter has been my main concern.
A few months back, my 8-year-old daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, emotional issues, and separation anxiety. It has been a rough couple of months on both of us. The issues we have both been encountering made me think about the issues other people have been experiencing or are experiencing in their lives.
The issues we deal with as people can be scary. They can make us feel alone, isolated, and incompetent. It is not a fun time for anyone involved. It is frustrating, aggravating, hurtful, and even make us angry at what life has handed us. How can we handle any situation alone? The simplest answer is that we don't have to, but it really isn't as simple as that.
Last year, I did two posts on my miscarriages and how they affected me. Thinking about my current situation made me recall those posts. I was surprised by the number of people who reached out to me, letting me know their stories, their experiences, and how telling me their story helped them. We tend to think that keeping the issues to ourselves is required. That admitting we are struggling, facing hard times, or need support from others is a sign of weakness. Well, this is me calling bullshit on that (excuse my language).
It is not weak to admit you can't handle something alone. There is no shame in needing a support system. A support system is a wonderful thing because it gives you the opportunity to talk with people having similar issues as yourself. Sometimes just knowing you aren't the only one in a situation is enough to help with the burdens we face as adults. It also gives you an opportunity to hear what other people have tried, whether successfully or not so successfully, and gives you an chance to share things you have tried as well.
As I research the issues associated with ADHD, I am finding different things that I can try to help the situation. One of the things the counselor has recommended is being consistent. I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but let's face it. We all have moments where we deviate from our normal set of "rules". It could be just that we are having a bad day and following through on our threat of punishment is just more than we can handle at the moment, or giving in to that one request to play an extra 20 minutes doesn't really seem like a bad thing, but honestly it can be.
Being consistent isn't always easy and I found this out the hard way. I say this because I always thought the basic rules of the house were clear. They were clear to me anyway, and while they were rules my daughter knew of since she was little, they were still a daily struggle. I would get frustrated with constantly telling her to pick up her clothes, put garbage in the trash instead of on the floor, or put her coat where it belongs. These are just a few of the items I found myself constantly telling her, repeatedly, all the time, multiple times, sometimes even within the same hour. That left me frustrated and left her upset thinking she was a horrible child.
Both of us in tears constantly, or yelling, is never a good way to handle any situation and I knew I had to find something else to try. Searching online (I love Pinterest, by the way), I found something that has helped us both a bit. It isn't perfect and some days are better than others, but this is what I am trying.
I started with a picture frame I already had on hand. The frame is one made for larger pictures and has two panes of glass that you sandwich the picture between. I picked out a piece of scrapbook paper, again something I already had, and put that between the glass. Then used a dry erase marker to write a basic list of rules for the house. I added a piece of Velcro (had as well) to both the frame and the marker so they were always together. The nice thing about this is that I can change the list as our needs change. It is as simple as wiping it off and writing it again. I focused on the items I was constantly getting frustrated with, repeating constantly, or seemed to be an issue with my daughter remembering.
Now, the list of things I wanted to put up would have been never ending and overwhelming. With that thought in mind, I made sure to limit my list to 10 things that seemed to be the biggest issues. I also was specific about the problem without singling her out. That means that I created a list of rules for both of us to follow. Yes, as adults we tend to put things where they go automatically, but we didn't just start that overnight. We also had to learn that as we got older. Making the list of household rules means that they have to be rules everyone in the house will follow. This helps with consistency as well. I couldn't expect my daughter to pick up her dirty clothes if I didn't.
The nicest part is that I don't seem to have to remind her as often. Instead, I can just refer her to the list of household rules. This means I am less frustrated and so is she. My daughter is able to read, for the most part, so if you have younger children pictures may be more useful, but this can be customized to what your family needs, to the items that requires the most repeating, or to specific items your child struggles with. I don't know if this system will work or for how long, but as I figure that out, I will share that information with you as well, along with other things that I try to help the situation.
I would love for you to share what has helped your family, your situations, your issues. Or even share what struggles you are having, what areas you are struggling with, or what issues you need solutions to. Maybe we can find different ideas to try together because, after all, we are not in this alone and someone out there may be struggling with that same thing too.
Danielle
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